do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i think my cat just said my name.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
