Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have tasted many bathrooms
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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