I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
