Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
