i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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