dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
