i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
