Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
