Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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