I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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