no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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