I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
