and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You have to summon your inner elephant
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
