someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
