she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
