Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
