I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
