I want to stick my p in your. b.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
