i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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