the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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