Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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