I'm really into asian looking animals
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
