Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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