my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize