oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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