It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
