i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
