Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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