You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bring me that man meat
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
