It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
