A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
