i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
