8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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