Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
