And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
