theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
