I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
