she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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