I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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