You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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