I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
