yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no, he came in my armpit
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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