Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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