I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
should my penis look like a turkey
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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