arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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