I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
