Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
