So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
