she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I sprained my soul last night
being pregnant is like rehab
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
