Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
