giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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