If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
