I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
