On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
