the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You can't motorboat a personality
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
