Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
