I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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