About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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