if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
