the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
