So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
