I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sarcasm needs its own font
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
