Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
