I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
