smell my finger.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
