You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
